3 years and counting...

Apparently I am being stalked by pregnant women and newborn babies. I am sure that every infertile and/or waiting adoptive parent thinks this at some point, and I have most definately thought it before. Our great friends just had their first little girl last week, another set of friends just announced they are 12 weeks along with their 2nd, a co-worker is due in just a few month, and every person I know on facebook is either expecting or just had a baby! Plus how many celebrities are sporting bumps? Is it me or can the whole world procreate but us?

A pregnancy and new baby are joyous times and I am so happy for all of my friends. I hope that none have to go through the experiences that we have!

At the same time I will go ahead and admit, I am jealous as all get out. This month marks 3 years since we started "trying." Granted if we had gotten pregnant that first month I would have possibly had a baby in my arms crossing the stage to get my doctorate and only would have been working for less than a year. So not optimal financially, but then again 3 IVFs and adoption are optimal finacially. That means we could have possibly had a 27 month old right now! That is so hard to wrap my head around.

My appreciation for children, parenthood, and life in general has vastly grown. I can promise this, I will never complain about a fussy baby, changing diapers, lack of sleep, laundry, or any of those precious things. Because to me they are all wonderful, cherished experiences. I cannot wait to have those experiences!!!

On the adoption front we are trying to be a little more proactive in finding potential birth families. We shall see how that pans out. Next week will be our 5 month mark of being on the books with our agency.

Personally we are winding down our travels of summer thankfully, and I am itching to get some things done around the house! I started working with a personal trainer again, and love that feeling of being forced to really push myself. David is starting P90X on Sunday, and he is very excited about that. We are going to do a triathlon for our 5 year anniversary in October.

Alright time to get on the road to see one of those babies that has been stalking me!

Literally one step closer to being a mom!

This past Saturday I completed my first sprint triathlon (250m swim, 20k bike, 5k run). People have been asking me, "Why did you decide to do this?" The answer is the training for it was/is a great distracter while waiting to adopt. Each run I did I would tell myself I was "one step closer to meeting my baby." What a great motivator!

At the race there were lots of moms that competed, and one literally had her 6week old there to support her! Could it be that the next one I complete, my little one might be there supporting me? Or next year when I go back to this one, will I be a mommy? Also I think it is a pretty cool accomplishment to complete a triathlon, and I am always thinking of ways to be a good role model for our future children!

It is funny to think, but a triathlon is sort of like labor. You prepare for it, think about it, but it still sneaks up on you. You can imagine what it might be like, but the day of you are terrified. At the beginning of the race I wanted to quit (ugh the swim was chaos), but when it was over I was ready to sign up for the next one.

David was such a great supporter, and I know I couldn't have done it without him by my side. And I am excited he is going to do the next one with me!

Dreams

i had a dream that died last year.
a dream of little babies that looked like dave and me.
a dream of being a co-creator of life.
a dream of feeling life grow within me.
a dream of surprising our family and friends with the blessed news.
a dream of getting flowers in the hospital.
a dream of hearing the heartbeat.
a dream of dave and i alone in the hospital room with an hours old baby in our arms.
a dream of the little ankle bracelet with my name and baby's name on it.
a dream of maternity clothes.
a dream of taking pictures each month to show how much bigger the baby had gotten in my tummy.
a dream of counting down the days.
a dream of having a baby when i wanted to have one.
but...
there is no biological possibility of that happening.
our house is infertile
that news is really a gift.
there is no wondering if this month is the month. there is no lingering or wilting hope. there are no questions or unexplained infertility. there isn't a fraction of a percentage of a chance that it could happen. i realize that i am blessed in that area and there are many who still hang onto that.

for us, it was easy to grieve, deal with it, close up that chapter an move on. don't get me wrong. there are still some days where i am reminded, the occasional dagger and then i realize,

"oh yes. there is my old friend infertility back again. i know you."
those days after the "bad" news were hard.
(that's the understatement of the year!)
we prayed and we poured out our hearts.

i cried and cried and cried ...because the dream had died.
those prayers were answered.
and we were blessed with a miracle.
the miracle of understanding and accepting.
the miracle of the hope that is adoption.
the miracle of feeling the power of the sealing power seared into my soul.
the miracle of peace.
and i was blessed with a new dream.
a new dream that i daydream about in the car everyday ...still.
the dream of hearing the words, "i chose you to be his/her family."
the new dream of babies, my babies.
new dreams that are as dear to me now as the old ones were. new dreams that make tears streak my cheeks. good dreams.

I adapted this from an amazining person, mrs. r and her amazing blog.

This is so true and really spoke to me today!

Thanks mrs. r!

"If you build it they will come"

Funny how a line from a movie can spur things along.

We bought our crib and a dresser/hutch combo as a present after we completed our home study. It sat in boxes in the nursery for months (well 3 to be precise) with the door shut. Before that I had purchased the most gorgeous bedding that will work for boy or girl. It is apple green, black and white and is the most luxurious baby bedding I have ever seen (I really love it can you tell?). Again locked away in the room we don't mention.

Yesterday I decided enough was enough, and I wanted to put it all together. So my hubby and I did. Taking pictures of the proud dad to be putting the crib together was great and he was so excited. It looks really wonderful and I can't wait to accessorize, but that will have to wait until we know if we will be the proud parents of a little boy or girl.

Just wanted to share. It feels really good to have that room started. I was getting kind of depressed and I guess that helped me feel productive! Just need to get matched and put a baby in there!

So here's to hoping, if you build it they will come!

Happy 4th of July!

It is hard to believe that it is already the 4th of July (well technically the 2nd). This year has flown by faster than any before. We are having some friends over for a cookout and then walking to a huge fireworks display just about .2mi from our house. We could see them outside on our patio except for all of the trees! Then I plan on just sitting by the pool and getting a few workouts in!

Dave and I both are doing our first triathlon in August. My sister and good friend Dawn are doing it with us. So my life consists of going to the gym, out for a run, swimming, and biking! I really love it!

With it being Independence Day I just want to thank all of our service men and women for all of their work! Without them who knows where this country would be!

Hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th!

Current Events

Currently there are a few things going on in our life...no AC, a wedding, and a triathlon.

The no AC thing will hopefully be remeadied this weekend and we will be the proud new owners of a new heatpump. So exciting (please insert sarcasm here)!

Lori (my best friend from childhood/cousin-in-law) is getting married this weekend at my dad's house. We are currently in stress mode and praying for good weather! She is going to be a beautiful bride that is for sure and I am so happy for her. It is going to be a lot of work for us too, because Dave and I will be acting as caregivers of the house. My dad's house is an old civil war house on the National Historic Register. I consider it his 3rd child! Plus I am the matron-of-honor, and will of course be doting on the bride all day!

I decided to try out a sprint triathlon. A little scary, but I am really excited about it. I bought my nose plug and swim goggles last night in order to prepare for the swim portion of the race. Dave has to change my mountain bike tired to road slicks, not that it will make a huge difference in time! It is going to be a challenge for sure, but my goal is to just finish.

This blog will sort of turn into more of a life blog until we have some adoption things to post. Our life is pretty boring, thankfully, so who knows what you (well this is assuming people read this and that is a huge assumption) might find when you check back.

It has been awhile

I haven't "blogged" in a few weeks, but I guess there hasn't been any real news to blog. It seems like we have been waiting forever, but in reality it has only been about 6 weeks. Seems like an eternity.

We have had several tiny little leads. Which is very positive because both have come from friends/family.

We have been going non-stop lately and looks like our schedules will continue to be full for a while. Which is great, but I would like to get some yard stuff done at home this year!

Tomorrow is Friday, so have a great weekend!